Prepare For The Internet Meltdown! Benedict Cumberbatch Might Propose To His Girlfriend Sophie Hunter
Ruh roh. I know how this turns out. It will be like Y2K, except for real this time. The internet will explode into a million pieces after the rabid Benedict Cumberbatch fangirls (She-locks? Cumberbutches?) lose their shit and their combined mental powers melt every ethernet cable and wifi signal in the universe. We’re DOOMED! Download all your porns now before it’s too late!
According to The Daily Mail (hold out your hands while I come by with several grains of salt), the UK’s most handsome otter traveled to Edinburgh last week to visit the mother of his girlfriend, Sophie Hunter, which they seem to think means he was asking for permission to marry her. Sophie is apparently super close with her mom, because her parents divorced when she was a child. The Daily Mail says that Benedict and Sophie’s mom also toured the botanical gardens together. Oh, well that settles it! The botanical gardens? He CLEARLY went to Jared!
Part of me thinks the Daily Mail is full of shit, because – duh – it’s the Daily Mail, and 90% of the shit they write sounds like dramatic British fan fic. But I am suspicious of why Eggs Benedict flew all the way to Edinburgh to look at plants with his girlfriend’s mom. I mean, that’s weird, right? If I had a daughter and all of a sudden her boyfriend (who I’m assuming is named either Joe Dirt or Frito) asked me to go to a monster truck rally (I ain’t lookin’ at no fancy-ass plants), I’d be all “This is definitely a date“. Oh shit, is he secret dating his girlfriend’s mom? Speaking of dramatic British fan fic, imagine if Benadryl Coughdrops found himself in the middle of a mother-daughter love triangle?? This is some Jerry Springer shit! All that’s missing is Sophie screaming British expletives while trying to snatch her mom’s wig before Jerry surprises everyone by bringing out Benedict’s secret pengling lover, Swim Swim! Yeah, that’s definitely what’s happening here. You were way off, Daily Mail!