Dane Cook Has Boned Hundreds Of Groupies, So Says Dane Cook

“Pfft, amateur slut!” – Wilt Chamberlain’s ghost

The John Mayer of comedians and the huge movie star that never was, Dane Cook, was on Watch What Happens Live last night and that shifty Siamese Cat Andy Cohen played one of those games he plays to get famous types to spill shit about themselves or other famous types. During the game, called Cheese Dane-ish, Andy asked the forever frat boy a question and if Dane refused to spit out an answer, CNN’s Candy Crowley had to fill his mouth with cheese. Since Dane answered every question, he never got a shot of cheese to the mouth, so every groupie who has sucked him off can’t say, “Now he knows how we feel!”

Anyway, Andy asked Dane who the most overrated comedian is and it took him a few seconds before he queefed out, “Gallagher.” Dane’s worst screen kiss was with Kate Hudson because she ate onions beforehand. Typical of Dane to put it on Kate. It wasn’t Kate who stank like onions. It was Dane and it wasn’t from eating onions. Andy’s third question for Dane was about working with his ex-piece Jessica Simpson on Employee of the Month. Andy asked,  “What was the dumbest thing she said on set?” Dane’s answer, “She said one day, ‘Are we making a movie?’”

And for the fourth question, Andy asked the human Summer’s Eve bottle how many groupie chochas have been touched by his Cook cock. His answer is a shock to no one:

“In my younger days, I would say, a few hundred.”

That number seems low, honestly. Back in the Golden Age of Dane Cook, college girls were tingling their clits off over him and he probably couldn’t open his mouth without a tongue going in.

You know, since we’re talking about Dane Cook and sex…. Dane looks like the kind of dude you’d have to hold your breath while making out with because he stinks like barf and beer. He’s probably the kind who burps during oral (giving and getting), farts when he cums and keeps his socks on the whole time.

With that being said, yes, yes I would.

Here’s the clip of Dane on WWHL last night. I see he traded in “fucking groupies” for “fucking his face with Botox needles.”