And now here’s another one for all of you MickeyRourkeInSpandex fetishists out there and by “all of you” I mean “just me.”
You can’t spell spandex without S-E-X and you can’t think of sex without thinking of Mickey Rourke in spandex. Mickey Rourke has done for spandex what Lindsay Lohan has done for the meaning of delusion. He’s taking it to the next level and has already taken us to places we never thought spandex could go. A Starbucks in West Hollywood got a Venti-sized serving of scalding, hot sex last night when Mickey Rourke paid a visit to it while wearing camouflage spandex leggings usually worn by the Lisa Frank Army and what looks like a lace front wig that screams new wave abuelita.
Halloween is only a quick queef away, so if you’re looking for an easy costume that’ll make all the pussies and b-holes pucker, let Mickey Rourke inspire you. For your Mickey Rourke costume all you need is a wig made out of shredded duct tape, a Michael Meyers mask painted orange, a hoodie where the zipper always gets stuck halfway, a pair of spandex leggings and a plastic He-Man breastplate covered with extra greasy pieces of salmon jerky. An instant Mickey Rourke costume! But if you’re going to wear it out in public, you should carry a can of whornet spray with you, because some horny slut will throw themselves at you and the horny slut will probably be me.