Jennifer Lawrence’s Memaw Tells The Sun That Chris Martin Is Coming To Her House For Christmas

There goes my dream of Jennifer Lawrence going to Goopy Paltrow’s house for Christmas and bringing a conscious coupling chocolate pie with her.

Jennifer Lawrence can’t tell her grandma anything anymore, because memaw goes and spills it into the ear of a British reporter. A reporter from The Sun (via The Daily Mail) called up Jennifer Lawrence’s memaw, Carolyn Koch, and after Memaw Carol asked the reporter if they know Angela Lansbury, because she just LOVES Murder, She Wrote, they got to talking about whatever (examples: Memaw Carol’s cheddar and apple pie recipe, that gossiping biddy Bernice who lives down the street, etc…) and then one thing led to her talking about Chris Martin. Memaw Carol told The Sun that her daughter went to meet Chris Martin in L.A. and they’re planning to have him over for Christmas. Memaw Carol allegedly said this to The Sun (Note: Either Memaw Carol has been watching a lot of Downton Abbey or The Sun changed “mother” to “mum“):

“Jennifer’s mum flew to Los Angeles to meet Chris. We will have to get another chair for the dinner table at Christmas. The family is getting so big we might have to split up for gatherings.”

At that point, Jennifer’s grandpa, Colin Koch, picked up the phone because he just got their electric bill and it was CRAZY high. He was planning to call the electric company and give them a piece of his goddamn mind. Are they fixing the meters? He saw that on the news. They better lower the bill or he’s going to call 7 On Your Side. But when he got on the phone, he heard his wife talking to that British reporter and then HE spilled some stuff about Jennifer Lawrence too:

“Jennifer doesn’t like the hype. She looks like she really enjoys doing TV interviews but she’s just a great actress. She hasn’t changed one bit – she is so humble and down to earth.”

Thanks memaw and pepaw! Now everyone knows that Chris Martin is going to be with JLaw’s family on Christmas. But you know, Memaw Carol doesn’t have to worry about getting an extra chair. This is the first Christmas where Chris Martin won’t be served wet organic almonds on a bed of alfalfa sprouts. So he’s going to squat at the end of the table, open his mouth hole wide and pull at the tablecloth until all of that delicious, fatty food is in his belly.

Here’s JLaw at the screening of Serena at the BFI London Film Festival last night.

Pics: AP, Getty