The Gross Side Of Irony: What Stephen Collins Said About Jessica Biel’s Topless Photo Shoot in 2000

October 9, 2014 / Posted by:

Ever since childhoods were drowned in a pool of barf from finding out that the pastor dad from 7th Heaven is a child toucher, rumors and news have been flying out of everywhere and an already disgusting story keeps getting more disgusting.

Stephen Collins’ career is pretty much lying in a shallow grave. He’s been fired from Ted 2 (and you have to a special kind of creep to be fired by Seth MacFarlane for being a creep), he’s been cut from an episode of Scandal and 7th Heaven has been taken off of the air until they’ve fully digitally replaced him with someone that doesn’t give everyone the heaves (I nominate Preacher Cat). Stephen’s divorce from actress Faye Grant (that’s Juliet from V to you and me) has also gotten extra, extra messy.

Stephen’s lawyer accused Faye of using his pedophile confession tape to extort money out of him. Stephen’s lawyer says that Faye wants most of his $14 million fortune and she threatened to give the audiotapes to the media if he didn’t pay up. Stephen’s lawyer thinks that Faye finally went through with her threats and handed the tapes to TMZ. But Faye’s lawyer slapped back. Faye’s lawyer says that she didn’t give the tapes to the media, she handed them over to the NYPD 2 years ago after Stephen refused to get help for his pedophile ways. Faye denies that she tried to extort cash out of Stephen. She never threatened to release the tapes and all she wants is half of their community property, a trust fund for their daughter and a donation to a charity that benefits abused children.

If Faye tried to extort him, she’s a terrible, terrible extorter. Because why would she give the NYPD the tapes right after she recorded them? That part doesn’t make sense. It also doesn’t make sense that he was the one who filed for divorce and she didn’t immediately scatter for the exit door after he told her he was a child toucher. None of it really makes sense and nobody wins. We all lose. Well, except for my favorite Noah’s Ark hunter Donna D’Errico who got back in the news after she wrongly reported his suicide.

And now Jessica Biel’s topless Gear cover has been dragged into this. (And is it just me or does it look like her arm is in an invisible cast?)

All the way back in the olden days of 2000, most of us were just getting over the dramatic fact that we survived Y2K when a SCANDAL hit. A then 17-year-old Jessica Biel posed half-naked in Gear Magazine because she wanted to shed herself of the wholesomeness of her character in 7th Heaven. Jessica felt like the role kept her from getting cast in movies. (Okay, but what’s keeping her from not getting cast in movies now? Oh yeah, a little thing called “can’t act.“) Religious groups raised their pitchforks at Jessica and Aaron Spelling, who executive produced 7th Heaven, publicly said that he wasn’t going to renew her two year contract. At the time, an “angry” Stephen Collins called the NYDN’s Marilyn Beck to tell her how disgusted he was by the pictures. CAUTION: Thick mounds of irony ahead:

“The press has gotten Jessica Biel’s age wrong in their recent stories about her. She’s not 18, as has been widely reported. She’s 17, a minor. Jessica’s photo spread was child pornography. I don’t want my kid to get the message that that’s okay. As a parent of a young daughter, this is very disturbing to me.”

If anyone would know, he would know. At the time, everyone probably thought he was being all “wholesome” like his character, but who knew that he was really giving the photo spread a compliment.

And since every Stephen Collins needs a grade 10 palate cleanser, here’s a Corgi fighting with a pumpkin:

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