Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 9, 2014 / Posted by:

The moment in last night’s premiere of American Horror Story: Freak Show when Jessica Lange graced our ears with her cover of “Life on Mars” while done up as a gloriously delusional German glamour goddess in drag as Davie Bowie.

The first episode of AHS: Freak Show was a clusterfuck of messy foolery as usual and just like Kathy Bates and Jessica Lange’s accents, it was all over the place. A few people on my Facebook feed were going on about how scary it was and how they were checking their closets for clowns that look like the dumpster baby of Gary Busey and fat Skeletor. It didn’t scare me at all, but that’s probably because I’ve seen a few episode so of Keeping Up with the Kartrashians (file that under: things you shouldn’t admit on a public forum) so I’m probably desensitized to horror shows about klowns. The scariest part for me was when I was watching the preview for the season and my eyes landed on the 2 cent cacalicious brown wig on Emma Roberts’ head.

I won’t spill any spoilers, but I will say that Abby and Brittany Hensel should’ve played Bette and Dot and I may or may not have spent a piece of my night searching Google for lobster claw glove dildos to give as stocking stuffers this Christmas. For me, the sparkliest moment was when Elsa Mars covered TV screens with drama, glamour and intrigue when she sang out David Bowie’s “Life on Mars.” Jessica Lange singing “Life on Mars” in a German accent while in David Bowie drag is one of those things you didn’t know you needed in life until it happened. Freak Show takes place in the 1950s and “Life on Mars” wasn’t released until 1971, so I figured that Elsa Mars originally wrote it and originated that look and David Bowie Lady CaCa’d her years later. But Ryan Murphy tells EW that he was inspired by Baz Luhrmann and decided to use songs that best fit the moment no matter when the song came out.

If you haven’t already, overdose on the potent servings of glamour that Jessica Lange serves up and keep an oxygen mask nearby, because all your breaths will be snatched away by the sight of her delicately drawn-on BIC ballpoint pen brows. This is the kind of hallucination you have when you drop acid with the angels in heaven.

In the span of one week, Jessica Lange snubbed Lea Michele diva-style and she gave us this. If that doesn’t make her this week’s Queen of Everything, I don’t know what does.

SHARE
Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >