The Perpetual Apathetic Shrug Machine, Kristen Stewart, did a Q&A for her new film Camp X-Ray at the Apple store in Soho last night, and for some reason she decided to wear some sort of futuristic leather lederhosen. I know that Kristen is all about ~fashun~ while not giving a shit about ~fashun~, but I’m not entirely sure what is going on here, clothing wise. I think I’m looking at some kind of leather skort connected to a pair of redundant shoulder straps? You can’t see it from the back, but those straps go no where – they’re just connected to her shoulders. Sort of like those shirts you had in the 90s where a fake vest was sewn on to the front to make it look like you were wearing a vest? All that’s missing is a pair of suede cut-off cowboy ankle booties!
Krusten’s (drowsy-fingered typo that stays) janky haute NO-ture is making me feel so many things, and my brain isn’t sure which though to land on, so I’ve just decided to itemize all my thoughts. Keep it simple, right?
1. Kristen Stewart looks like a rollerskating waitress at a fake 50s diner meets The Hunger Games
2. Kristen Stewart looks like a an S&M candy striper
3. Kristen Stewart looks like one of my Barbies when I tried to make a dress out of an old vinyl placemat
4. Kristen Stewart looks like Penny Robinson from Lost In Space if Lost In Space was set in a goth club
I think that just about covers it. She also kind of reminds me of a trash bag figure skater, but that’s not even technically a thing, so it was cut from the list. Here’s more of Kristen being Kristen (Doge says: “Wow, much moody, so shrug“) at the Apple store last night: