TMZ says that a Houston-area stripper named Jhonni Blaze (who may or may not be Ghost Rider’s long-lost stripper sister) is claiming that Wheelchair Jimmy’s people have been harassing and threatening her ever since she decided to grind up on his emergency brake one night. Jhonni says that after she had sex with Drake, he was afraid she was going to talk about it (“it” probably being the butt sandwich he made for her), so he started “angrily” texting her. Eventually it got worse than receiving Emoji-filled messsages asking her to STFU; Jhonni claims he also sent his muscle to her house in an attempt to coerce her into keeping her stripper mouth shut, and threatened her life.
That’s when Jhonni went to the police. TMZ says the Houston PD has confirmed they opened an investigation, but that they can only reveal it involves a “possible celebrity”. Um, excuse you Houston PD, but that’s a member of the Canadian Royal Family you’re dealing with! Show some respect!
Jhonni went to the cops to complain, but she’s not sure she wants to press charges. Regardless, the Houston PD would like to speak to the “celebrity” in question, probably to tell him to cool it with the Toronto Tony Soprano shit. And, of course, a source close to Drake says none of this shit ever happened.
Obviously in a case of Stripper vs. Famous Rapper, it’s going to be a tough call. But before I make any solid decision, I need to see some proof that Wheelchair Jimmy was railroading that stripper. Show me the receipts! I wanna see those texts! There’s no way that a gentle sensitive soul like Drake was sending anything but polite Canadian texts to that stripper after they fucked. “Excuse me? I’m so sorry, but may I request that you not kiss and tell? Thank you!” And I want to see pictures of the no-goodniks that came to her house. Did they look like this? Did one of them answer to “Spinner”?
And there’s only one way to find out if she even slept with Drake: what color were his bedsheets, Jhonni? Navy or green? TRICK QUESTION! Everyone knows Drake sleeps in a fleece Raptors Snuggie on a pile of golden retriever puppies!