We’re only two weeks into the all-new The View, and already two of the hens are ready to peck each other’s eyes out. This may be a new record for ABC! Treat yourselves to lunch at In-N-Out today, you’ve earned it. According to the Daily Mail, come-to-life pair of casual pants Rosie O’Donnell and the no-fucks-left-to-give human CROC Whoopi Goldberg got into a nasty clucking match during a commercial break on The View that ended with Whoopi busting out several $2 swears.
Rosie was discussing how she feels about spanking your children (oh here go hell come) during Hot Topics and they started to run out of time, so producers told Whoopi to cut her off and go to commercial. Rosie would have known the segment was running long if she too had been wearing an earpiece, but a source says Rosie O’Donnell don’t do earpieces! Whoopi threw some morning talk show shade by suggesting she start wearing an earpiece if she wants to know what’s going on. Once they went to commercial, Rosie grabbed the mic they use for talking to the audience and started ripping into Whoopi for cutting her off and being a shade-slinging casual comfort cunt and saying she “hurt her feelings”.
Whoopi warned her this was neither the time nor the place, but Rosie continued to go full-Rosie, telling the audience:
“Well I just don’t appreciate you saying that you were going to do something and not doing it. It makes me upset and I just don’t want to have to go through this.“
That’s when Whoopi, who literally ran out of fucks years ago, hissed at Rosie:
“Fuck it, I told you to leave it alone and you just don’t want to listen. If you want to go there Rosie, I will dammit. I’m really sick of your shit.”
HOT FLASH FIGHT! No, I wish. Could you even imagine Rosie trying to whoop a trick, Betty Rubble-style, while Whoopi pelted her with Maximum Strength Estroven pills and CROC jibbitz? Instead they stared at each other in silence until earth angel Rosie Perez tried to lighten the mood with the audience by joking:
“Oh shit, Twitter is going to be off the hook now. They’re about to get it.“
Producers then flashed Rosie a DVD of Riding the Bus with My Sister and Whoopi a script for Bogus 2, and told them to play nice OR ELSE, and when they came back from commercial, Rosie and Whoopi acted like nothing had happened.
But thank god for Rosie Perez. Imagine if she hadn’t attempted to tame the tension? Rosie and Whoopi probably would have sat in silence eye-shanking each other for the rest of the show. Then when the show ended, they would have continued to sit there until a bunch of ABC teamsters moved them into storage. Then they would have eventually died of dehydration, flown up to heaven on a summerweight pashmina scarf, and continued eye-shanking each other at the Hot Topics table with Jesus until God threatened to reincarnate them as Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s ears.