Of Course: Walmart Blames Tracy Morgan For His Crash Injuries (UPDATE)

September 30, 2014 / Posted by:

Walmart has told Tracy Morgan the same thing I tell myself whenever the broken pieces of my charred soul burn a little more after I walk into a Walmart: “You brought this upon yourself, bitch!”

Tracy Morgan is suing the ‘Murican Emporium of Glamour for the crash that killed his friend Jimmy Mack and left him with serious injuries. One of Walmart’s tractor-trailers rammed into a limo bus carrying Tracy Morgan, Jimmy Mack and others on the New Jersey Turnpike last June. Tracy’s lawyer says that it’s all Walmart’s fault because Kevin Roper, the driver of the tractor-trailer, was awake for more than 24 hours before the crash and he was driving 20mph over the speed limit. But well, if you thought that Walmart’s yellow smiley face of pure evil would just spit out an “I’m sorry” before dropping a mountain of money into Tracy’s lap, then you don’t know Walmart or billion dollar American corporations.

Walmart has slapped Tracy Morgan back and argued that if he was wearing a seatbelt, he would’ve skipped away without any major injuries and everything would’ve been rainbows and kitten kisses. New Jersey law states that all occupants in a passenger vehicle must wear a seatbelt. According to the New York Daily News, Walmart’s team shat this up in court papers filed in New Jersey:

“Upon information and belief, plaintiffs’ injuries, if any, were caused, in whole or in part, by plaintiffs’ failure to properly wear an appropriate available seat belt restraint device,” Wal-Mart’s court papers said.

Morgan failed to “exercise ordinary care in making use of available seat belts . . . and acted unreasonably and in disregard of plaintiffs’ own best interests,” Wal-Mart alleged in the suit filed in Federal Court in New Jersey.

The retail giant also argued it didn’t owe any punitive damages to Morgan because he was negligent in failing to wear his seat belt, as required by law.

A.V. Club says that it looks like Walmart is getting ready to negotiate an out-of-court settlement, because they asked Tracy’s lawyer to submit a specific tally of how much money they want in punitive damages.

Right after the crash, Walmart queefed out a statement saying they would take full responsibility if their truck was to blame, so Tracy’s lawyer says Walmart putting the blame on his client is “shocking and appalling.” 

Really, Tracy’s lawyer is shocked and appalled by this? Is he new here? This is standard Walmart and their lawyers are doing their jobs. I’m surprised they didn’t say, “No, Tracy’s limo ran into OUR truck. It ran into OUR truck ten times!” But I’m sure they’ll settle, and then the evil minions of Lucifer who run Walmart will roll-forward prices a little bit, because it’s not like that settlement money is going to come out of their year-end bonuses.

Update: Tracy had this to say about Walmart blaming his ass for not putting on a seatbelt.

“After I heard what Walmart said in court, I felt I had to speak out. I can’t believe Walmart is blaming me for an accident that they caused. My friends and I were doing nothing wrong. I want to thank my fans for sticking with me during this difficult time. I love you all. I’m fighting hard every day to get back.”

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