At the airport in Venice today, George Clooney, Amal Alamuddin and their famous friends joined hands and bowed as their audience clapped, cheered, threw bouquets of roses at their feet and thanked them for delivering a tour de force OLD HOLLYWOOD GLAMOUR FASHION BOAT EXTRAVAGANZA! Before George and Amal took their final bows and left Italy, they officially got married in a 10 minute-long civil ceremony at Venice’s town hall. As George Clooney put a crack in the earth’s core by becoming a married man, the fame whore, social-climbing gold diggers of the world poured one out for George’s bachelor days and thanked God that Leonardo DiCatchAHo isn’t wearing a wedding ring yet.
Amal (who was dressed up like Bianca Jagger if Bianca Jagger was Carmen Sandiego) and George continued to redefine the meaning of EXTRA when they got on a boat named Amore and waved to their adoring subjects while thinking they’re the most glamorous thing to ever happen to a boat. Newsflash, bitches. The most glamorous thing to ever happen to a boat happened when Nomi Malone danced on one at a Las Vegas boat show in Showgirls. After AlaLooney made it official, they sashayed out of city hall and each spit out one word to reporters. via People
So how does it feel to be married? “Nice!” Clooney, in a gray suit, told waiting fans as he walked out of Ca’Farsetti with Alamuddin, who wore a cream-colored pantsuit and hat. Chimed in the new (Stella McCarney-clad) Mrs. Clooney: “Amazing!”
Asking a trick what it’s like being married ten minutes after they got married is a dumb question, but George’s answer was still funny. Nice! To George Clooney, 10 minutes of marriage probably feels like 10 years of marriage. If you asked him 5 seconds after he got married what married life was like, he’d say, “WONDERFUL!” If you asked him a minute later, he’d say, “GREAT!” And if you asked him 20 minutes later, he’d say, “Eh, you know….”
And now it’s over. Congrats to Clooney! Congrats to Amal! Congrats to Vogue (or People and Hello if you ask Lainey)! Congrats to the Venice Tourism Board! Congrats to the makers of boat fuel! And congrats to us all! I hope the divorce ceremony is as glamorous as this.