Dean and Cristy Parave, the devout Christian bodybuilding swingers from America’s #1 purveyor of pure foolery, Florida!
After I threw up that post the other day about the Duggars and all of their fun-hating, screwed-up rules for dating and sex, a few crazy Evangelical types splashed holy water in my face through e-mail by telling me that I AM NOT A CHRIS-CHEN-UH and need the word of the lord in me. I told them all to deep throat a holy dick, but maybe I do the lord in me and these two charbroiled, ripped, Christian Florida jewels are the ones to do it. Dean Parave (heh, his initials are DP) found Jesus after he couldn’t take being a junkie and alcoholic anymore, and a few years later he found his stunning wife Cristy at a bodybuilding competition. They married in 2007 and became swingers after meeting a couple at Home Depot (it’s always Home Depot). Now when Dean and Cristy aren’t lifting for Jesus, they’re spreading the word of the lord while spreading their legs for their neighbor’s wife or husband. Dean says that he knows the bible says thou shalt stick it in his neighbor’s wife doggy-style, but it’s okay to stick it in your neighbor’s wife doggy-style as long as your neighbor is into it.
Every time Dean and Cristy hook up with another couple or go to a swinger’s party, they fill the ears of the swingers they’re about to screw with talk about Jesus. That must go over well. Because right before you’re about to suck on a stranger’s dick while his wife plays with your tits as your husband jacks off on her back, you definitely want to be lectured about the power of Christ. Actually, some kinky tricks might be into that kind of pre-fuck time talk. Cristy tells Barcroft Media (via The New York Post) that at first she was conflicted, but after experiencing the first, second and third coming, she believes being a swinger is all part of God’s plan and God put them on the planet to “enjoy each other’s bodies.”
Dean and Cristy started up a website for buff swingers called FitnessSwingers.com and they use it to find other swingers they can save. Dean put it like this:
“If I can go to the next swinger’s event and get 10 people to believe in Christ, my job is done. So far today, God hasn’t said, ‘Dean, stop this it’s a sin. I don’t want you to do this.’ Until he tells me that, I’m going to keep trying to help as many people as we can.”
Just when I’m starting to wonder if there is a God, God shows me that God exists by bringing me a story about two born again Christian bodybuilder swingers from Florida.
God probably doesn’t judge them for being swingers, but that hair and those clothes on the other hand… The power of Christ compels you not to dye your 40-something faux hawk magenta and dress like a 12-year-old from 1987.