Hot Slut Of The Day!

Malt Duck malt liquor, the refined purple nectar of the GODS!

When I was a teenager (yes, I typed that while smelling like Icy Hot and throwing rocks at the brats playing on my lawn), we got plastered on the precious nectar that runs through the streams up in heaven’s most immaculate garden. We got drunk on Strawberry Hill. And when I was a kid, some of the teenagers in my neighborhood got plastered on the purple rain that falls from above in heaven. They got plastered on MALT DUCK! Malt Duck was cheap as shit, came in a six or eight pack (I think) and I also remember it coming in chimichanga dick-sized bottles (short and fat). You could get it in grape flavor or apple flavor. I never ever tasted it and that’s one of my biggest regrets in life. I’m assuming it tasted like Prince’s purple sweet wet kiss, or like grape cough syrup mixed with piss and turpentine. Delicious!

Apparently, Malt Duck liquor was sent to the malt liquor graveyard sometime in 1991. You can still find some bottles or cans on auction sites for around $1.99 a bottle and that might seem like a lot of cash for that cheap crap, but that shit is vintage now and vintage costs. But if you drank Malt Duck in the olden times, you’re probably not interested in buying more since you still have a hangover from it.