Who Would You Rather Motorboat?

September 25, 2014 / Posted by:

I know. That has to be the meanest question I’ve ever asked you. It’s like asking you if you’d rather get a blow job from a Vitamix or an anal pap smear from a hawk. But go with Kanye. Sure, you’d get a mouthful of hair, but if you motorboated Kim, you’d scratch your tongue on her chichi stubble as soon as the clock struck 5 o’clock.

Kim Kartrashian was nearly trampled to death before the Balmain show in Paris today when that Ukrainian attention whore who tried to give Brad Pitt a dry blow job rammed into her. TMZ has the video and it’s worth a watch, because it looks like Pimp Mama Kris is kicking that Ukrainian bitch for screwing with her money and you can almost hear Kanye screaming, “You’re on your own, bitch. This face is too pretty to meet the concrete,” as he runs away. After they lived through that ordeal, which they probably staged themselves, they went back to their hotel and shoved their titties into some more HIGH FASHION for the Lanvin show.

While sitting in the front row, Kim and Kanye served up some his-and-hers tit action. I really want to say that Kanye’s cleavage outdid Kim’s, but I can’t. Kanye’s meaty man tit looks depressed, sad and tired. It looks like me when I listen to one of his rants. I don’t really blame it. Being that close to Kim would put anything to sleep. But he’s getting his picture taken. His tits should be looking their best. He should’ve whispered, “Riccardo,” at them, so they’d perk up and sit up real nice in that shawl blouse thing. Or he should’ve worn a leather jogging bra, so in six years when every motherfucker is wearing a leather jogging bra, he can say he worked it first.

Pics: Getty, Splash, Wenn.com

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