Wikipedia tells me that Spandex was invented in 1959, and that means it only took us 55 years to figure out why it exists. Spandex exists just so Mickey Rourke can put it on and make the public squirt jizz out of their eyes as he struts to and from the gym. Just like he does most days, 62-year-old Mickey Rourke worked that rotisserie pec cleavage and those extra meaty calves while strolling around an alleyway in Beverly Hills yesterday. Mickey is always making genitals heat up to the temperature of his freshly fried chicharones skin. Mickey did take mercy on your souls and holes, though, by covering up his good bits with that t-shirt. Mickey knew that you can only handle so much. You know, some whores are always saying shit like, “Oh, Mickey dresses like that, because he don’t give a fuck!” Um, excuse you, but Mickey does give a fuck. Mickey cares about injecting some hotness into our dull lives which is why he does himself up like that.
And Mickey looks like Maxine after a spin class and that is and always will be the look.