Open Post: Hosted By Vin Diesel And His New Beard

September 24, 2014 / Posted by:

While typing that headline, I was so disappointed that this post doesn’t have pictures of Vin Diesel on a date with Taylor Swift in it.

Thanks to the insane mind of Tyra Banks, lace front face merkins for dudes are all the rage, so Vin Diesel wears one in his new movie The Last Witch Hunter. Vin threw up a picture on Facebook of him busting out an Olan Mills pose while pondering the meaning of life (or maybe he’s singing “Stay” to himself) as Fizgig attacks the bottom of his face. E! News says that in The Last Witch Hunter, Vin plays a semi-immortal witch hunter (the last one, duh) who teams up with a good witch to battle a bad witch in modern day NYC. It’s like a hipster Oz The Great and Powerful. If that whole “witch hunter” thing doesn’t work for Vin’s character, he can get a job as a bartender at a craft beer bar in Portland. Bitch already has the look.

And the only question I should be asking is: WOULD YOU?

Because of that stick-on pigtail stache, that beard of Sasquatch pubes and that mohawk wig, he looks like Scott Caan in costume as a hobo Macklemore. Based on that description alone, yes, yes I would. I’d hit it, clean up my parts on that mangy beard wig and hit it again.

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