Night Crumbs

St. Angie Jolie has already chosen the next piece of Oscar bait she’ll direct. Once she finishes up directing that By The Sea shit, she’ll direct a movie called Africa about paleoanthrologist Richard Leakey (the Alan Cumming-ish-looking dude above) and his crusade against ivory poachers. That title doesn’t really work. Angie should title it GIVE ME THAT DIRECTING OSCAR ALREADY. There, that works much better. – Lainey Gossip 

Can’t the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills writers write an arch for Allison the SLYCIC instead of writing these dumb ass fights? – Reality Tea

Take that, hackers. Alicia Keys posted a picture of her knocked up naked body with a peace sign on her belly, because charity, or something – Drunken Stepfather

“Why is an evil Russian villain from a Tolstoy novel picking up Leonardo DiCaprio’s award for him?” is what most of the audience at the Clinton Global Citizens awards thought to themselves when Leo got onstage – Celebitchy

In other words, Kate Hudson and Goldie Hawn get really stoned together – The Superficial

Finally, some good news in the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo world. Uncle Poodle is getting married! – Towleroad

Blake Griffin’s oiled up cum gutters almost distract my eyes from those hideous jeans – Jezebel

Now that MiserAlba’s chemical-free diaper company is worth one billion dollars, does this mean that she’ll stop torturing us with her shitty acting? – WWTDD

The reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe lives! – Hollywood Tuna

James Blunt got married and my thoughts and prayers are with his guests if he sang “You’re Beautiful” during his and his wife’s first dance – ICYDK

This is how Sarah Hyland’s Modern Family character is celebrating Slutoween this year – Egotastic

Pimp Mama Kris is good: A man in a wheelchair (who totally isn’t a stunt man hired by PMK) crowd surfed at Kanye West’s show – Gawker

Willie Nelson’s “Bitch, don’t try to be slick” face is Willie Nelson’s best face – The Berry

What in trash bag Party City wrapping paper HELL is Hilary Duff wearing? – Popoholic

The American Horror Story: Freak Show character posters are here – OMG Blog

Adam Brody’s nips, here they are – Popsugar

Kenan Thompson is leaving Saturday Night Live at the end of the season, or maybe not – HuffPo

Bow Wow proposed to his fiancé with a stunning tanzanite ring from QVC – Just Jared