Jack from Perth, Australia slept on the street overnight to be the first person
in the world Australia Perth at that Apple store to get the new iPhone 6 and a quick second after he had that priceless nerd jewel (which will be obsolete and a relic in 6 months when the iPhone 7 comes out) in his hands, he dropped it while showing it to a reporter. The way that crowd dramatically let out an “ooooooooh.” You’d think Jack dropped something extremely precious like a baby or a donut. When it slipped out of the box, I expected time to move in slow motion and as Jack contemplated suicide over the thought of his newborn iPhone shattering on the concrete, dozens of fanboys in the crowd would throw themselves on the sidewalk to protect civilization’s greatest creation.
But you know, something in the Victoria Bitter ain’t clean about this. What kind of crazy, hardcore Apple fanboy opens up his new iPhone 6 on the STREET? Every self-respecting crazy, hardcore Apple fanbitch leaves the store with their new iPhone 6 while protected by two rented armed guards and after they escort him home in an armored vehicle, he barricades his front door, closes all the curtains and gently lays his new baby on a freshly cleaned velvet cloth before he blesses it with a worn Steve Jobs turtleneck he bought on eBay and jacks off while pressing the play button for the first time. He would never share that intimate and religious moment with a bunch of strangers.
I didn’t see any tears and he didn’t immediately kiss his iPhone 6 while screaming, “I almost lost you! I almost lost you!” FAKE! That shit was obviously a publicity stunt produced by Apple. When I played that clip on my ancient iPhone 5s, I asked Siri, “Siri, is this shit staged and fake,” and she didn’t say a word. Bitch must’ve signed a non-disclosure.