In Not Alright, Not Alright, Not Alright news, the director of Magic Mike XXL, Greg Jacobs, tells The Playlist that when the sequel comes out next year, Matthew McConaughey’s oiled-up, self-tanner-covered nips won’t be in it. Greg says that of course Channing Tatum is coming back as Mike since he helped write the thing and he’ll be joined by Matt Boner, Joe ManJello and comedian Gabriel Iglesias who’s going to play a DJ. Greg says it starts shooting at the end of this month. Back in June, Gabriel Iglesias told UsWeekly that he heard the Texas T-Rex wasn’t going to be in it, because his ass is too expensive and “that whole Oscar thing, the nerve right?” So basically the Texas T-Rex is that rags to riches friend of mine who said, “Eh, there’s not really anything for me to eat there,” when I asked her if she wanted to have lunch at Chili’s. Bitch, don’t act like I haven’t seen you eat nachos made with saltines and melted Kraft singles before.
Since we’re on the subject of Things Not Coming Back To Magic Mike 2, here’s two things that shouldn’t come back to Magic Mike 2:
1. Cody Horn (Side note: Cody Horn is the perfect gay porn star name). Cody Horn’s dad was President of Warner Bros. when Magic Mike, a Warner Bros. picture, was being cast. Cody Horn was a human boner killer. The only thing she did in that movie was stare into the air with her dead eyes and tell the strippers to stop stripping. When I go to see a movie about hot dude strippers, the last thing I want to see is a judgmental nag telling the hot dudes to keep their clothes on. Trick, shut your mouth!
2. Any resemblance of a plot. Besides Cody Horn, the main problem with Magic Mike was that it tried to have a plot. Who cares about missing drugs and shit? Just show us 2 hours of Matt Boner’s greased up nalgas clenching and unclenching.
Oh, and I have a third one:
3. Cody Horn. Just in case you didn’t get it the first time.
And here’s Joe ManJello in a t-shirt and Sofia Vergara leaving a restaurant in West Hollywood after having breakfast today.