Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Brian, a 4-year-old Samoyed from England who loves eating thongs so much that he ate a thong, got surgery to get it removed and ate another one. And now you’ll have the Thong Song stuck in your head for the rest of the day. “Let me eat that thaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaa-ong.

When some drunk wrecks (see: me maybe once or twice) get so drunk that they barf their insides out, they don’t take that as a serious hint and switch out the sweet nectar for water or coffee. They wipe the puke from their mouths and keep boozing. They drop and reload. That’s what this hot bitch Brian is in the news for, but replace “booze” with “thongs” and replace “barf” with “surgery.” Brian (Side note: I love it when dogs have people names) loves nom nom nom-ing on panties so much that he won’t let a little thing called “a two-hour surgery” get in the way of him turning his stomach into a chonies drawer.

Since dogs are weird, they have all kinds of fetishes. When my dog was a puppy, he was a nasty, gross scat queen and his chops would get moist every time he saw a cat step out of a litter box. Bitch’s eyes lit up like, “The bakery is open!” Brian’s fetish of choice is thong eating. Brian’s human Kaye Banks tells the Doncaster Free Press (via Arbroath) that his love of thong eating started when he raided her daughter’s overnight bag and gobbled up one of her thongs. The next day, as Kaye was taking a shower, that kinky pooch snuck into her bathroom and ate up a worn thong she left on the floor. Brian was able to shit out one thong (Side note: I’m trying to picture what a thong a dog shat out looks like and a gross feeling tells me that it might look like the nasty, slimy sludge I cleaned out of my coffee pot this morning after forgetting to do it yesterday), but the other thong got stuck in his stomach.

Kaye took Brian to the vet and he spent 2 hours in surgery getting that thong removed from his stomach. Brian was stitched up and he spent four days recovering. As soon as he got home, he went through Charlotte’s dirty laundry basket, picked out another thong and ate it. Bitch don’t care! If you asked Brian if he cares that he spent two hours in surgery getting a thong removed from his stomach and could end up in surgery AGAIN if he keeps swallowing up thongs, he’ll make that same face he’s making in the picture above. That’s his “I is hungry for thongs and I no care” face. Kaye took him back to the vet and since the thong didn’t travel beyond his throat, they gave him medication and he barfed it up.

Kaye says that from now on, all dirty thongs are going directly into the washing machine:

“We just couldn’t believe that after an operation and four days at the vets he comes home and does it again. From now on all underwear is put straight into the washing machine. He’s a lovely dog but he’s into everything.”

Kaye can try to stop Brian, but Brian can’t be stopped and he’ll do whatever it takes to fulfill his craving for dirty butt-flavored thongs and thong dingles. First, Brian will make himself a washing machine costume out of cardboard and stand real still in the laundry room hoping that Kaye will mistake him for her washing machine and throw her thong in his mouth. When Kaye gets smart to that, he’ll get a job as a janitor at a strip club. When he gets fired for eating all the thongs, he’ll turn to a life of crime and start breaking into houses for delicious thongs. That will lead to him stealing money from Kaye’s purse to buy used thongs on eBay and in a few months he’ll be trading his dog food for worn thongs in back alleys. Get him into thong-eating rehab now, Kaye.

But really, dogs eat EVERYTHING and it could be worse a lot, lot worse. Brian could be eating tampons instead. Why am I giving him ideas?

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