If in her hands, she was also holding a baby pink cotton lunch bag full of the heart-shaped raspberry and pastel yellow marzipan tarts she baked in her mint-colored 1950s oven and a couple of restraining orders from ex-boyfriends, this would be the Swiftiest picture ever.
It seems like every single day, Taylor Swift’s Vintage Barbie-looking ass is always taking a stroll in front of the paps from the front door of her Manhattan apartment building to an SUV. When you’ve seen one set of pictures of Tay Tay dressed like Ann Taylor’s answer to Betty Draper or a pre-Goth panda Jenny Humphrey from Gossip Girl, you’ve seen them all. Taylor knows this, so during yesterday’s choreographed and staged photo-op stroll, she brought along an adorable guest star: her pussy Olivia Benson! Olivia Benson looks so confused and something tells me that isn’t the first time a pussy has been perplexed by something Taylor’s hand is doing. (That “joke” that just soared over your head was supposed to be a fap joke. The 10 gallons of coffee I inhaled obviously haven’t yet hit the pile of mashed neurons I call a brain.)
Watching a person hold a cat friend like it’s a dog friend is like watching a power bottom get boned by two 10 inch peens in a porn. It seems complicated, almost impossible and you assume that a lot of drugs were involved.
My mom has a cat who lets ANYONE (even strangers) hold him like he’s a dog. But that cat also loves chips and El Pollo Loco, so he’s a freak of nature. Olivia Benson and my mom’s cat must be cut from the same bizarre cloth. I am disappointed, though. While going through these pictures, I hoped that my eyes would land on a picture of Olivia Benson tearing Tay Tay’s wannabe Cher Horowitz outfit to shreds after getting spooked by the paps. Next time, Olivia Benson. Next time.