Martin Lawrence Does Date Night At Home

September 17, 2014 / Posted by:

As always, cut to the real Martin Lawrence wondering: ‘Damn Gina, when the hell did I decide to stop doing date night at The Cheesecake Factory?

According to People, Chris Pratt’s sister from another mister (whatever the fuck that means) Jennifer Lawrence and human casual scarf Chris Martin don’t do regular date nights like the rest of us: they don’t realize at 5:45pm that they forgot to take a shower and rush to find a shirt that doesn’t smell like turkey or is covered in dog hair before driving across town to the ‘good’ Olive Garden to wait 45 minutes for a table because SOMEONE forgot to call and make reservations. They don’t do that. What they do do is they stay at home and bask in the warming glow of each other’s radiant awesomeness. Or slow-fuck to “The Scientist“, I dunno:

“Jen has made a few visits to his Malibu house,” says a source. “Chris seems very respectful of Gwyneth and feels more comfortable spending time with Jen away from his family.”

On weekends, though, the singer has been all about his kids Apple and Moses. “Gwyneth and Chris take the kids for brunch or dinner together every weekend,” says the source. “He and Gwyneth still share responsibilities when it comes to their two kids.”

Ugh, poor JLaw! I bet that when date night comes around, she’d love nothing more than to hit up her local Hooters for some all-you-can-eat wings and get wild on a couple $5.99 pitchers of PBR, but Chris is too tired from being GOOP-whipped all weekend, so they have to stay home. And you know that sleepy-sounding trick is already at maximum tired before he even shuffles off to Castle Goopskull! Imagine what it’s like when he comes home? “Oh god, then she made the three of us go on a 3-hour scavenger hunt for a 15th Century Italian hairbrush hand-carved for Cosimo de Medici she’d hidden somewhere in the house. Our reward for finding it was to brush her hair 10,000 strokes while she told us about the many uses of imported dolphin salt. I’m exhausted. Let’s just watch some Big Bang Theory and order Thai.

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