According to Us Weekly, those high-pitched tear-soaked screams you’re hearing just now are coming from the thousands of Gal-slings (lady Ryan Gosling fans) after they received the news that Eva Mendes was actually for-real pregnant with Ryan’s baby, and it wasn’t, in fact, just a cruel prank being played on them by that dark-sided man-stealing hussy. Multiple sources have confirmed to Us Weekly that Eva gave birth to a baby girl on Friday. Nothing else about the baby is known, so for now we shall call it BABY GOOSE.
Eva tried to keep Baby Goose a secret for most of her pregnancy; she never really admitted that she was knocked-up (Ellen did that for her) and the last time she was seen in public was more than three months ago. But now she can’t really hide Baby Goose that well (unless she finds a way to MacGyver a Baby Bjorn under her clothes). Or maybe Ryan will take care of it; don’t ducks carry their babies by hiding them under their wings? Either way, I doubt we’re about to see a People cover of Eva Mendes posing with a wrinkly confused-looking 5-day-old Baby Goose with the headline “MEET MY AVIAN MIRACLE!” (You’re right – she’s probably holding out for 10-page spread in Wildfowl).
But the only thing I really care about is whether or not the doctors handed Ryan Baby Goose and he greeted her for the first time by saying “Hey girl.“