Aspiring gold diggers of the world, drop your shovels, get on your knees and worship your new role model and goddess!
A Jena Maroney dream came to life at Vienna’s Schönbrunn palace over the weekend when alleged 24-year-old Cathy Schmitz, a German Playboy model, married 81-year-old Richard Lugner, an Austrian construction mogul. Richard Lugner is that crazy billionaire who pays a different famous trick a giant pile of money to be his date to the Vienna Opera Ball every year. Richard gave 5 cent heffa whore Kim Kardashian $500,000 to be his date to the Ball last year and after he made that crazy decision, his family should’ve forced him into a mental hospital. But this weekend, Richard proved that he can still make great decisions by marrying this graceful German flower after knowing her for 6 months. Richard told The Local at his wedding that Cathy, who has a young daughter, is his fifth wife and he hopes this one sticks:
“Hopefully, this time it’s the right thing. Apart from the big age difference everything fits. Of course I argued less when I was alone, but a man needs a partner.”
I know, I shouldn’t call Cathy a gold digging goddess just yet. Hopefully, Cathy has learned from Anna Nicole’s mistakes and is going to make sure she’s in that will. Because nothing is more tragic and heartbreaking than a gold digger ending up with a handful of nothing after she’s spent months and years sucking cum dust out of a grizzled dick that looks like a wrinkle-faced bat. What am I saying? Of course this is true love and those twinkles in her dead eyes aren’t from her looking at his face and seeing the future headline that reads: 25-Year-Old Playboy Model Inherits Dead Billionaire Husband’s Entire Fortune. It’s real love. Cathy isn’t marrying that old ho for his money. She obviously doesn’t care about money since she bought her wedding dress for $8 at Party City.
And here’s more pictures of the stunning bride, who kind of looks like a Luna Lovegod doll filled with helium, and the groom who looks like Oswald Cobblepot’s pepaw.