The humanized BEHR Premium Plus paint sample (in color: Basic Khaki) known as LC from The Hills and Laguna Beach got married in CA on Saturday and Cheyenne Jackson married future ex-husband #2 in Encino, CA, but the weekend’s biggest celebrity wedding happened in Italy. One of George Clooney’s former awards season escorts Elisabetta Canalis (or “Who?” as George Clooney calls her) married American orthopedic surgeon Brian Perri in Sardinia, Italy today. That’s George Clooney’s cue to scrap all plans for his stupid wedding in Italy, because the superstar Italian wedding of the century happened today and it can’t be topped.
While looking like everyone’s first communion threw up on her, Elisabetta became somebody’s wife at a cathedral in the town of Alghero. A source told UsWeekly (no, they didn’t) that guests nearly swooned out of their chonies when Brian said to his future wife, “I promise to love and honor you and not totally judge you for fucking Steve-O for relevancy.” Elisabetta Canalis is a true inspiration. When Steve-O dumped her ass, I figured her twat would respond by dragging her body to the nearest convent where it’d declare celibacy for the rest of eternity, because how in the hell do you recover after getting rejected by Steve-O?! But Elisabetta dusted the embarrassment off of her chocha and kept on hustling until she became a doctor’s wife.
So now that two (Elisabetta and Stacy Keibler) of Clooney’s Magnificent Three are married, that leaves my favorite and the original Sarah Larson. I hope that on Clooney’s wedding day, Sarah Larson snatches all the spotlights away from him by eloping in Laughlin, NV. Clooney thinks that every tabloid cover will belong to him, but if the way more relevant Sarah Larson got married on the same day, he’d be lucky to get a blurb on the back page of the PennySaver.