Well, at least this time his nose didn’t shit out a snot fall of grossness that made him look like a damn Alien with allergies.
Yesterday, Judge Thokozile Matilda Masipa dismissed the premeditated murder charge against Oscar Pusstorius, because in her opinion the state didn’t give enough evidence that proved he meant to kill his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. This morning, Judge Masipa made Oscar Pistorius stand up as she declared him guilty of culpable homicide (which is kind of like manslaughter here in the US). In her ruling, she said that he was negligent when he fired several shots into that locked toilet room. She also convicted him of one firearm charge. Judge Masipa said this to the court:
“A reasonable person, with a similar disability, would have foreseen that the person behind the door would be killed, and the accused failed to take action to avoid this.”
The judge extended his bail and now he’s out there in the wild again. She will sentence him on October 13th. He could get up to 15 years in the clink, but that’s probably not going to happen. Some legal experts believe that he won’t get any jail time, which means he’ll only get a slap on the wrist and don’t worry, Oscar, I’m sure the judge won’t slap your trigger hand. Don’t wanna hurt that hand. Other legal experts say that he’ll probably get 7 to 10 years. But if South Africa is anything like the US, the chances of a rich celebrity going to jail for murder are about as slim as a magical fairy appearing before me to give me the magical ability to shit out dildos.
And now that South Africa has its very own OJ Simpson, it better double brace itself, because it’s only a matter of time before it gets its very own Kim Kardashian.