Open Post: Hosted By Wonky McValtrex’s $13,000 Teacup Pomeranian

September 12, 2014 / Posted by:

That is the traumatized look of an adorable cotton ball who knows that he’s probably going to be crotch crab food soon…

TMZ says that Paris Hilton spent a piece of the money she makes from pressing an iPod play button on an adorable ball of white fluff that is smaller than the flecks of dandruff that cling to the base of her parched weave. Wonks bought the microscopic Pomeranian from Betty’s Teacup Yorkies and he may be tiny as shit but his price tag isn’t. Betty’s Teacup Yorkies got him from a breeder in Calgary who claims that he’s the world’s smallest Pomeranian which is why he’s $13,000. He weighs 11.6 ounces and is 2.5 inches tall. That’s approximately ten times bigger than Wonky’s brain. I’m joking! Like she has a brain.

Wonks introduced her new 5-month-old living and breathing purse accessory on Instagram yesterday. TMZ says she’s named him Mr. Amazing. Bitch should’ve named the poor creature Travolta since he’s going to spend most of his time in the closet with her other dogs.

That fluffy gerbil of a thing (“Call up Paris Hilton and ask her if she’d like to have a playdate..” – Richard Gere to his assistant) does bring out the awwwwws in me and I’m almost tempted to follow her stupid ass on Instagram, but not even an adorable micro pooch can get me to do that. He kind of looks like an all-white mogwai. I was going to say that somebody should feed Mr. Amazing after midnight and then throw him at Wonky, but please. Wonky’s cooch can destroy a gremlin just by burping on it.

Here’s a couple more pictures of Mr. Amazing as well as pictures of Mr. Amazing’s human at an OK! Magazine party in NYC two nights ago.

Pics: Instagram, Wenn.com

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