File Under “Definitions Of Random”: Neil Young Is Dating Daryl Hannah

September 12, 2014 / Posted by:

Well, this makes almost no goddamn sense, but let’s go with it! People says that 68-year-old Canadian rock legend and Godfather of Grunge Neil Young is rubbing his pepaw parts on 53-year-old former mermaid/current rubber-faced crazy Daryl Hannah. A source says they spotted Neil and Daryl (which sounds like a Canadian news team) holding hands at a restaurant on Wednesday night. Holding hands? Take it easy, you horny sluts!

So how did this random match happen? Neil and Daryl collaborated on a documentary for Greenpeace about the Alberta Tar Sands, and an insider claims they’ve attended many protest rallies since. I’m sure you’re thinking “Aww, how cute! Two environmental activists in love!” but NO! Not cute! Daryl swooped in on Neil while he was still married to his wife of 36 years, Pegi Young, and they only filed for divorce a little over a month ago. Damn, first Madison the Mermaid starts busting her face, now she’s busting up marriages!Of course, some of Neil’s friends aren’t too happy that he left his wife for that dizzy bible-thumping bitch Annelle from Steel Magnolias. Neil’s former band mate David Crosby gave an interview to the Idaho Statesman where he pretty much calls Neil out for hooking up with a latex-faced homewrecker:

“I happen to know that [Young] is hanging out with somebody that’s a purely poisonous predator now. And that’s karma. He’s gonna get hurt. But I understand why it happened. I’m just sad about it. I’m always sad when I see love tossed in the gutter.”

Who would have thought that a relationship burped up from the bowels of random would be so damn dramatic? Neil seems like the most easy-going pepaw in the world – those sideburns say “I like beer and I like naps”. But apparently he’s into some telenovela shit! Or whatever the Canadian version of a telenovela is. Road to Avonlea? Train 48?

Regardless, I’m personally very proud of myself that I managed to write this whole thing without making a Harvest Poon joke. Oh, goddamn it. So close!

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