SHOCKER: Tori Spelling And The Deaner Will Pimp Out Their Marriage Problems In A Second Season Of “True Tori”

September 11, 2014 / Posted by:

I bet that’s the shirt The Deaner wears when he crashes at his favorite Hooters waitress’ apartment on the weekends. “Hey Krystle, buy me a plate of eggs benedict? Come on mama, be cool! You know I’m still waiting on that Spelling cash!

Just when you thought there was no more than needed to be said regarding Tori Spelling’s busted marriage to The Deaner (“Malnourished claymation camel exploits a cheating scandal with her sleazy beady-eyed bangaholic trashrat husband for a check, THE END“) she goes ahead and proves that there’s a sub-basement below her basement of shameless fame whoring. Radar says that Lifetime has ponied up the cash for a second season of the tacky scripted train wreck that is True Tori. Yay!” – said all 6 people who watched the first season.

True Tori 2: We Need The Cash will premiere on October 21st and will focus this time on Tori trying to heal after her human burp of a husband started serving up his greasy maple bar to anyone with low enough standards to accept it.

“While much of the chaos of last spring is seemingly behind her, there still exists a tremendous amount of work ahead for Tori as she struggles to find her true self,” Lifetime said.

AKA it’s the perfect show for people who are too stupid for VH1’s Couples Therapy, but not stupid enough for LeAnn & Eddie.

Regardless, I’m sure Tori was thrilled when someone at Lifetime finally received one of her 1,928 daily emails begging them to let her pimp out her family on another television show. But I wonder how The Deaner feels about it? Well what do you know, I just found an email he sent to the head office of Hooters:

“What’s crappenin’ wing nuts? Listen, The Deaner needs to lay low for a while. The melted candle I’m married to got me a job pretending I’m working on our marriage for a reality show again, which means I can’t be getting handies in the parking lot anymore. So can you do the ol’ Deaner a solid and fire off a chain-wide email informing the gals that if I come in asking for a sloppy buffalo sauce blow-j, they have to say no…at least the first two times I ask. Gotta make The Deaner work for it!”

Welcome back, you dumb possum-faced gold digger!

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