Before we get to the riveting story of how Rosie O’Donnell had to Katniss Everdeen her way into Barbara Walters’ old nest in the Hot Flash Henhouse, can we take a moment to ask WHAT in busted Betty Rubble hell is Rosie wearing on her feet??? They look like the uptown gayelle version of those black bandage sandals every girl who worked at Wet Seal wore in the late 90s. Do NOT want.
Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s most favorite person in the whole wide world gave an interview to Variety (via Page Six) about her return to The View, and you’d think those publicity-loving whores that run the henhouse would be practically on their knees begging for a crazy CROC-wearing hen like Rosie to return to that damn mess. But Rosie says it was actually really difficult to convince them she was still crazy enough to come back. In fact, they made all the potential chickens run the gauntlet:
“It was very much like the ‘Hunger Games,’ how they did it. I think Whoopi and I were both a little shocked at having to do a chemistry test. I don’t know if there’s a way to test that. It felt very negative and competitive.”
I just pictured an intern from The View running up behind Rosie O’Donnell at Chico’s with a casual patterned scarf soaked in ether and pushing her into a white windowless van containing a confused Rosie Perez and Nicole Wallace. Cut to a group of ABC executives watching a closed circuit television feed from inside an abandoned Coldwater Creek outlet store as their potential candidates circle Sherri Shepherd and Jenny McCarthy like hungry sharks. All of a sudden, Whoopi’s voice can be heard over the PA announcing “Sherri, you in danger girl” as Rosie approaches her from behind with a shiv carved from the heel strap of a CROC clutched between her teeth while the other Rosie tries to distract Jenny by busting out some sweet dance moves.
All while Debbie Matenopoulos is outside banging her fists against the window screaming “I volunteer as tribute! I volunteer as tribute! Please take me back! I’ll do anything!“