A Judge Finds Oscar Pistorius Not Guilty Of Premeditated Murder

But the motherfucker is guilty of grossing me the hell out with that double snot stream.

This morning in South Africa, Judge Thokozile Matilda Masipa thew out the premeditated murder charge against Oscar Pistorius and told the court that she doesn’t think he planned to murder his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp when he shot her several times through the locked door of the toilet room in his house in Pretoria on Valentine’s Day in 2013. The verdict process in South African isn’t’ like the verdict process here in the US. When a trick is found not guilty of murder, they aren’t immediately released into the wild where they tell reporters that they’re going to Disneyland. Judge Maspia spent all day delivering her final verdict and she still hasn’t delivered it. That’ll happen tomorrow. She told the court that the state didn’t deliver enough evidence that proves that Oscar should be found guilty of murder. Judge Masipa said that Oscar is “negligent” but she can’t find him guilty of premeditated murder.

Judge Masipa put it like this:

“The state clearly has not proved beyond reasonable doubt that the accused is guilty of premeditated murder. Viewed in its totality, the evidence failed to establish that the accused had the requisite intention to kill the deceased, let alone with premeditation. The accused therefore cannot be found guilty of murder.

He took a conscious decision, he knew where he kept his firearm and he knew where his bathroom was. This is inconsistent with lack of criminal capacity. The intention to shoot however does not necessarily include the intention to kill. Clearly he did not objectively foresee this as a possibility that he would kill the person behind the door.”

The state argued that Reeva and Oscar’s relationship was on shaky ground (pun not intended, I swear) and that he meant to shoot and kill her. Oscar has always claimed that he thought she was an intruder. (“Eh, can I change my statement and say that I thought Janay was an elevator intruder?” – Ray Rice)

Court was dismissed for the day. Judge Masipa will give her final verdict tomorrow morning and she could find him guilty of “culpable homicide,” which would get him 15 to 20 years in the clink. But she could also throw out all the charges and release Oscar so he can go on to write a book called “If I MEANT To Do It” and eventually get arrested for stealing a bunch of sports memorabilia. We’ve all seen this movie before.

The verdict process is complex and I know about as much about South African law as I do about the inner workings of a vagina, so if you want to know more about it, The Guardian has a complete rundown. And by “it” I mean the Oscar Pistorius verdict and not the inner workings of a vagina. If you want to know about the latter, click here.

Pic: AP