Shia LaBeouf Pleads Guilty To Acting A Fool At A Performance Of Cabaret On Broadway

September 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Any trick who rudely interrupts a topless Alan Cumming dry humping a Kit Kat dancer while singing in a German accent should be thrown into a windowless, concrete jail cell where they’ll have to spend every waking second wrestling with the fact that they ruined Cabaret for EVERYBODY. Bitch should be sitting all alone in his room cell. But since the US justice system is about as twisted and wrong as Shia LaDouche’s soft-boiled huevos in Spandex leggings, that didn’t happen to him. Shia cut a deal and in exchange for a guilty plea, he got six months of booze rehab. Shia has already done 3 months of outpatient rehab, so he only has 3 more months to go. Once he’s done with rehab, he can withdraw his guilty plea and the case will be thrown out. ABC News says that Shia pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in a court room in Manhattan today and he and the judge had this little conversation:

“Are you pleading guilty because you are guilty?” Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Diana Boyar asked, a standard question in such pleas.

“Yes, your honor,” LaBeouf said.

He declined to comment as he left court encircled by news cameras.

Now that that’s done, will detectives and prosecutors please investigate, arrest and prosecute the little girl who loudly talked and kicked the back of my chair all through act 1 of The Little Mermaid on Broadway a few years ago? She is guilty of disorderly conduct and assault, and she ruined my entire night and mostly because every time she kicked the back of my chair, I realized that I paid actual money to see The Little Mermaid on Broadway. She repeatedly kicked the sad truth into me and it wasn’t fun.

I’m assuming that dude behind Shia isn’t Shia’s lawyer. If it was, the judge would’ve rejected the plea deal, thrown the case out and let Shia go without punishment, because you always side with the big guy in a tiny hat.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

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