Lea Michele Has Moved Her Former Hooker Boyfriend Into Her House

September 9, 2014 / Posted by:

Aspiring gold diggers and low-level star fuckers rejoice! TMZ says that after four months of dating, current obnoxious network television showtune screamer and future Legends in Concert Barbra Streisand impersonator Lea Michele has made the dreams of her former trick-turning boyfriend Matthew Paetz come true by moving him out of his apartment and into her $1.4 million Hollywood home. Cut to all of Matthew’s former coworkers busting a celebratory nut in honor of Matthew’s flawless gold digging achievements.

A source claims that Matthew packed all his possessions into a U-Haul this weekend (a partially-used IKEA futon, 22 cheetah-print g-strings, a pack of Trojan Fire & Ice condoms, his client list) and moved in with his MILF-looking sugar mama. Next on his to-do list: quit his job (is “former hooker” a job?) so he can concentrate on executing his next gold digging move: trying to knock her up with a baby wannabe Barbra. You can do it Matthew! You’ve practically been training your whole life for this moment! I know you’ve got the house, but don’t get lazy Matthew; a good gold digger always keeps reaching for that dollar-covered rainbow!

I’m sure this crafty hooker thinks he’s hit the lottery, but he probably shouldn’t say sayonara to his shitty shared studio apartment in the valley just yet. He’s going to want a place to escape every day at 1pm when Lea gets day-drunk on boxed white wine and turns into her alter-ego, a horny middle-aged former stripper/aspiring Shih Tzu breeder named “Misty” who begs him to take her to Applebees for happy hours so they can role-play a game she calls ‘Sexy Cougar meets Desperate Gigolo’.

And here’s Lea and Matthew celebrating their terrible life decision/proud moment in shameless star fucking by calling the paps and going for a “hike” on Sunday. Lea truly has that new-hooker-roomate-attention-whore glow about her, doesn’t she? Or maybe that’s just the Urban Decay marshmallow-flavored body shimmer (cougars love edible body shimmer).

Pics: Splash

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