Florida Is Bringing The Foolery In Full Force This Month

September 9, 2014 / Posted by:

Is it springtime in Florida, because all of the graceful flowers are in full bloom.

On the left is 50-year-old Karen Marie Dilworth, a Michigan native now living in Florida, whose sticky hands were put into handcuffs after her neighbors accused her of masturbating on top of a motorcycle in front of everyone including a 13-year-old boy. On the right is 27-year-old Renata Congleton whose drunk hands were put into handcuffs after she tried to pick up her kid from school while completely plastered. I know, my title should’ve been: Just Another Month In This Country’s Greatest State!

The Smoking Gun says that at around 7pm on Saturday night in Ormond Beach, FL, someone called 911 to complain about a woman giving a fap show to the entire neighborhood in her garage. The neighbor said that when they came home in their car, they noticed the perfectly named Ms. Dilworth doing herself while lying backwards on top of a motorcycle. The motorcycle was parked in her garage, but the door was wide open and her coochie faced the street. Another neighbor told police that there were kids around so he kept screaming at her to close the garage door. Ms. Dilworth eventually shut the garage door. When the cops arrived, they found Ms. Dilworth inside of her garage and she wasn’t jacking off. Ms. Dilworth’s ex-husband was inside and he didn’t know what went down. She denied busting out an X-rated Whitensnake video in public. She told the cops that she was hanging out in her garage, but she was only smoking a cigarette and drinking beers. The cops say she looked drunk. She was arrested and charged with felony lewd/lascivious exhibition. Ms. Dilworth was hit with a felony, because she allegedly fapped in front of a minor. She was released on $1,000 bail.

What’s most surprising about this story is that committing lewd and lascivious acts of exhibition is illegal in Florida. The neighbor who screamed at the Florida version of Cameron Diaz in The Counselor should’ve gotten arrested for making her close her garage door. ¬†Dude put her life in danger! I’m assuming the motorcycle was on (because what’s the point of boning yourself on a motorcycle that isn’t vibrating), so she could’ve died from smoke inhalation after closing that garage door.

And I can guarantee you that Ms. Dilworth’s motorcycle fap show was way less disgusting and gross than Bound 2.

Now on to Florida’s Mother of the Month….

According to WFLA, the staff of an elementary school in New Port Richey, FL called the police last Friday after Renata Congleton tried to pick her kid up while drunker than shit (“Awww, that brings back childhood memories” – Lindsay Lohan). I guess the staff didn’t let her take her kid, because she took off by herself in her car and hit two cars while doing so. The cops found Ms. Congleton sitting by her front door. Every time a cop asked her a question, she cursed them out. She eventually admitted to hitting a car and when a cop tried to put her into handcuffs, she scratched at him. She was charged with neglect of a child, battery on a law enforcement officer, and resisting an officer with violence. Her bail was set at $15,000. The cops say that her blood alcohol content level was .413. The legal BAC limit in Florida is 0.08. So yeah, the cops should give her some credit for trying to pick up her kid as her liver was slowly exploding.

Karen Dilworth and Renata Congleton should be friends! Ms. Dilworth was born to ride and Renata needs a ride, because she’s usually too drunk to drive. They can be Florida’s very own Thelma and Louise!¬†

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