Anna Kendrick, the creature you’d get if Arthur and the lady squirrel from The Sword in the Stone had a baby, admitted on a recent episode of WTF with Marc Maron (via Uproxx) that some intrepid (read: fucking creepy) fans found her home address and sent her a bunch of shit for her birthday. Now, before you start assuming the worst, I can assure you she didn’t receive any of the following items for purchase at CelebStalkerDepot.com: hair clippings, nail clippings, graphite pencil portraits, homemade wedding albums, underwear, requests for her underwear, blood, poems, or blood poems (poems written in blood, which are always the worst).
She did, however, receive several teddy bears, but she threw them out, because the only thing creepier than receiving one $5 dead-eyed polyester-filled plush animal that says “I WUV WOO ANNA” when you squeeze its face is receiving 20. But Anna confessed that it’s not just teddy bears that go straight into the trash; she said she also received a pair of diamond earrings from a fan, and guess where they went? HINT: Not in her ears!
“I got [a gift] with, like, a really long letter about how he really felt like we should be together, and if I would just give him a chance, and he didn’t want to do it over social media because he thought that would pressure me because it was public … he [wanted] to be a gentleman. And he, uh, sent me a pair of diamond earrings. For real diamond earrings. I did go and check. And I was just like, these have to go into the trash. I can’t. I cannot. I cannot wear them. I can’t give them to someone. It’s too weird. If the teddy bear goes in the trash, these go in the trash. Just on principle. So, I had to throw them away. If you send something to my house, it’s going in the trash.”d
I understand not wanting to keep an unwanted gift sent to you by a next-level crazy stan, but throwing out diamonds? In the trash?? IN THIS ECONOMY?!? Wait, I just got a brilliant idea. If someone is crazy enough to send Anna Kendrick a pair of diamond earrings, surely they’re also crazy…err…I mean…thoughtful…enough to send her the matching pendant and tennis bracelet, and maybe a nice 2-carat ring as well? All I need to do is find her address (not difficult, apparently) and wait for her to throw out all the joorey she receives. Then I dig through the trash and pawn whatever I find. Then I use the money to buy myself a pizza. Then I get a tetanus shot.
Here’s more of Anna Kendrick at the TIFF premiere of that movie she did with Jennifer Aniston and the dude from Avatar called Cake, which sadly isn’t actually a biopic about Sara Lee: