Seth Rogen Takes An Angry Swipe At The NFL After Footage Leaks Of Ray Rice Punching His Fiance In The Face (UPDATE)

September 8, 2014 / Posted by:

Back in March, Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice was given a 2-day slap-on-the-wrist suspension after hotel surveillance footage from February was released of him dragging his fiance Janay Palmer’s unconscious body out of an elevator. And since then plenty of assholes and asshole-types have come to Ray Rice’s defense, including the Baltimore Ravens VP of public relations Kevin Byrne and the MVP of asshole apologists, Whoopi Goldberg. Their stance being that Ray is a good guy (Kevin Byrne) and maybe Janay started it (Whoopi), and that we didn’t really know what happened in the elevator that night.

But this weekend, the elevator surveillance footage from that night was leaked, and – SURPRISE – it shows Ray Rice punching his fiance in the face. So far, no word from Whoopi or Kevin Byrne of the NFL, but furry Canadian stoner Seth Rogen has something to say about it! Seth’s preferred method of taking a bitch to task is by dragging them on Twitter (as seen previously, when he made the world’s heart skip a beat by calling Justin Bieber a “piece of shit“), so he hopped on Twitter and hissed the following:

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Seth’s so pissed he’s not even throwing shade, Seth’s throwing a damn solar eclipse. In case you’re not familiar with football punishments, Seth’s weed comment is probably in reference to Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon, who was recently suspended for an entire season after he got caught smoking the good shit. And yet a player who gets caught whooping his fiance in an elevator gets the bench for two games? Fuck, I’m tempted to throw shade at the NFL too, except I know that unless the shade came rolled in a Zig Zag, they wouldn’t give a shit about it. And I definitely don’t want to throw shade at Ray Rice, because…well…we all know what happens when you confront Ray Rice.

Like Seth, I also don’t know much about football, but I do know one thing: none of this shit would happen if Coach Eric Taylor were in charge! Coach Taylor would NOT put up with this woman-beating bullshit! The second that security footage leaked, Coach Taylor would have pulled Ray Rice off the field during practice, pointed his finger at him and growled “Let me tell you something…” before dumping his locker and having Tami Taylor and the police escort him off the property FOR GOOD. Coach Taylor don’t play! Clear eyes, full hearts, no bullshit!

UPDATE: The Baltimore Ravens might have a Coach Taylor working for them after all, because it was just announced that Ray Rice has been cut from the team and suspended from the league by the NFL:

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