Stop me if you’ve heard this one (no really, stop me – I CAN’T with this felonious freckled grifter anymore). Lindsay Lohan has once again turned a shady trick on the wrong person and now she’s getting sued, except this time she’s also dragging her younger brother Michael Jr. into it. Congrats on your first lawsuit, Michael Jr., you’re officially your father’s son!
Page Six says that shortly after she left rehab last year, the Apricot Ashtray and her younger brother started working with tech entrepreneur Fima Potik on a mobile app called Spotted Friend, which would allow people to poke around in Blohan’s virtual closet and see the kind of designer shit she’s virtually stolen. She even started prom0ting her new tech venture on Twitter back in July 2013, because she’s basically the coked-up version of Steve Jobs. But just like everything Lindsay gets involved in (singing, fashion design, sobriety) she lost interest and Spotted Friend became just another hazy memory (like sobriety).
However, last month Michael Jr. decided to try his hand at the lucrative tech game once again by launching another virtual shopping app called Vigme (a “sloppy vigme” sounds like the kind of sex act a certain red headed hustler will do for $50 and a pack of Parliaments). Michael Jr. described Vigme as a “social shopping community” where people can look in his sister’s virtual closet (here we go) and buy the shit that they find in there. Even a day-drunk dum-dum like White Oprah could see that Vigme was a dirty rip-off of Spotted Friend, so Fima Potik sent a cease-and-desist over to Castle Crackhead addressed to the Apricot Ashtray and Michael Jr., as well as their “business partner” (dealer who dropped out of business school) Christopher Roth, informing them to knock that shit off, since he’s the creator and developer of the virtual celebrity closet idea, and White Oprah’s lil’ leeches were just business partners.
Meanwhile, cut to every one of Fima Potik’s investors nervously pulling their funding when it was discovered he had gone into business with not one, but TWO Lohans.
Of course, Lindsay responded to the cease-and-desist by getting her attorney Mark J. Heller to shit out some classic Lohan-levels of freckled delusion:
“Allegations of any impropriety in Lindsay Lohan’s business relationship concerning this Web site are inaccurate and clearly designed to capitalize on her worldwide recognition as a fashion icon.”
WORLDWIDE FASHION ICON??? Maybe on the far-away planet Cracktonia-6! The only way this bitch could be considered a fashion icon is if the The Costume Institute at The Met curated an exhibition called “Denim Cut-Offs and Nip-Slips: A History of Bedraggled Trash Rats and Washed-Up Skank Couture“, in which case, yes, Lindsay is a fashion icon, because she’s the Coco Chanel of floppy side-boob and leggings-as-pants.