Tom Brady is on the cover of Man of the World (via People), but the verbal fart bubbles he dribbled out to the magazine sound like they came straight out of Toddler of the Playpen Monthly. Tom tells the magazine that he always wants attention from Gisele Bundchen and when she doesn’t give him the attention he wants, he goes full Bieber by whining and throwing a tantrum as their two little kids throw a side-eye that says: “Will you idiotic bitches grow up and get on our maturity level already?” The overgrown man child spat this up to MOTW:
“I like attention from her, so when I’m not getting it I let her know in immature ways, like a young, immature child would. You throw fits and you pout and you whine until you get what you want.
She’s on to me, she knows all of my tricks. So now I have to learn new tricks.”
And suddenly, just like that, Bridget Moynahan doesn’t feel so bad about Tom Brady dumping her ass for a supermodel while their unborn baby was growing in her uterus. The sound of a bullet whizzing by Bridget Moynahan sounds exactly like Tom Brady wailing as his big fists pound on the floor.
Tom continued to paint his marriage with colors of maturity and healthiness by saying that Gisele is always nagging him, but that’s okay, because wimmuns always be nagging. That’s what they do:
“I’m a guy, what doesn’t she get on me for? That’s just what wives do.”
Tom was talking to Men of the World Magazine, so maybe Tom was mostly joking and thought that the men of the world wanted him to say that wives are nagging bitches and husbands are pouty man babies. But you know, I can totally picture Gisele nagging at Tom to finish his chicken fangers while barbecue sauce is smeared all over his mouth and he screams about how he wants to go outside for splash splash fun in the pool.
If Tom was being serious, then somebody should tell Gisele that she can easily shut down every fit that Tantrum Tommy throws. Every time he starts to whine, all she has to say to shut him up is, “Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr., if you don’t stop now, there will be no more slidey times for you!”
Game point: Gis