So Does This Mean We’re All Going To Hate Rosie Perez Soon?

Rosie Perez has always been my favorite Rosie because she perfectly played an exquisitely tacky gold digger in It Could Happen To You, so when I read on Deadline yesterday that she’s moving into the pecking hen coop on The View, I thought to myself, “Well, I’ll always have ‘Why don’t you just give her ALL the money?‘”

Because if The View is good at one thing, it’s good at completely ruining your favorites. Deadline reported yesterday that, as excepted, Republican strategist, political commentator and l-hoarder Nicolle Wallace (aka “the kindler, gentler, smarter and more pleasant Elisabeth Hasselcrack,” which isn’t saying much since a urethra wart is more pleasant that Hasselcrack) is joining Whoopi and Rosie O’Donnell at the round battlefield. It was rumored that the fourth spot was going to football wife October Gonzalez, but apparently ABC didn’t think she was experienced enough. So the job went to Rosie Perez and her D’s, motherfucker, D’s. ABC spit this press release out last night:

It’s official! The panel is now complete. Rosie Perez and Nicolle Wallace are the new co-hosts of “The View” joining moderator Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie O’Donnell. The new season will be unlike any in recent history and premieres live on MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 15 (11:00 a.m.-12:00 noon, ET) on the ABC Television Network. “I am beyond thrilled, honored and completely surprised that I’ve been asked to join ‘The View’,” said Perez. “Knowing that I’ll be in the company of Whoopi, Rosie and Nicolle, three very smart and engaging women that I have an immense amount of respect for, makes it even more unbelievable. The opportunity to connect with our nation’s audience on a daily basis… icing on the cake! Very happy.” “I am honored to join the tradition of compelling conversations that has been the signature of ‘The View’ for the better part of two decades,” said Wallace. “I have watched ‘The View’ for many years and now to be seated alongside three women that I have admired is both humbling and incredibly exciting.”

What they should’ve said is, “I am beyond thrilled and can’t wait to hate all those other bitches at the table with a burning passion!”

Rosie Perez is probably going to be the new voice of reason on The View and the good news for viewers is that when Whoopi, Rosie O and Nicolle start barking at each other and ripping out one another’s throats, Rosie can knock out their vocal cords and ear drums by turning her high-pitched squeal all the way up. Or she can paralyze those bitches by busting out these hot moves: