ScarJo Had A Baby

While some of us were in the middle of watching Joan Rivers clips on You Tube (like the clip of her cursing out that heckler who got mad at her for making fun of Helen Keller in her documentaryand my favorite clip of her and Melissa dragging POKAH PLAYA Annie Duke on Celebrity Apprentice, etc…….), ScarJo’s baby just had to interrupt everything and make it all about her by being born today. So selfish! Couldn’t her baby have waited one more day and come out tomorrow?!

ScarJo’s rep tells People that she and her French hipster fiancé Romain Dauriac are parents to a daughter. If you’re a horny Marvel fanboy, you probably didn’t read any of those words, because the only thought in your head is: BLACK WIDOW’S TITS ARE GOING TO GET BIGGER NOW THAT THEY MAKE MILK!!!! While Marvel fanboys slobber over that thought, the rest of you can read what ScarJo and Romain named their kid:

Daughter Rose Dorothy was born in New York City. The baby’s middle name is an homage to Johansson’s grandmother, whom she called “the first Francophone in my family” while accepting her honorary César in Paris last February.

“Mother and daughter are doing well,” publicist Marcel Pariseau tells the Associated Press in a statement.

Rose Dorothy. I love every piece of that name for very, very obvious reasons. If they have another kid and name that kid Blanche Sophia, I will have a really good reason to actually like ScarJo.

But really, Scarlett and Rose… They’re obviously going with a red theme. They’re going to name their second kid Rouge, their third kid Ruby, their fourth kid Wine and their fifth kid Crimson. If they have a sixth kid, my thoughts and prayers are with that child, because they’re going to run out of shades of red and will have to name it Menstrual.