Why oh why did I come back from Mexico when I did?! Yes, Joe ManJello and Sofia Vergara are in Cabo and that is far, far away from where I was, but who knows. Both of our planes going back to CA could’ve been diverted to the same small airport in Mexico somewhere due to weather (???) and we could’ve met in the airport bathroom where he’d ask me if I could be so kind as to shake the pee out of his peen for him because his hands are so sunburnt that it hurts to touch anything. It could happen!
Before Joe ManJello begins shooting 2015’s Oscar sweeper Magic Mike XXL, he and Sofia sunned their parts in Mexico and of course she threw up a couple of pictures of them on her WhoSay account, because she’s contractually obliged to do so. I’m still that jaded bitch who think this PRomance has been planned out and choreographed by the ho who tried to bring us Kaley Cuoco and Superman, but at this point it doesn’t really matter. I’m all for it as long as Sofia keeps posting pictures of Joe sucking on a fat cigar and looking like he’s throwing a “That’s the spot” side-eye while someone turns his butt into an all-you-can-eat salad buffet. Charade away, bitch!