BREAKING: James Haven Was At The Holy Wedding Of The Century After All

September 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Okay, so I can stop sending hate mail to “St. Angie, c/o God, Heaven, 051322″ (Yes, Heaven’s zip code is Bea Arthur’s born day and that’s no coincidence) for not inviting her brother and the human equivalent of STAINS, James Haven, to her wedding, because it turns out he was at her wedding and sat in the front row. Earth, that’s your cue to start spinning again.

When E! News squirted out details of St. Angie Jolie and Brad Pitt’s wedding in France, they said that mutated white dog turd Jon Voight wasn’t there, because he wasn’t invited, but they didn’t say anything about James Haven. But this morning, Lainey posted scans from Brangie’s wedding spread in Hello! and there was the bulgey-eyed distinguished salamander standing in the front row and looking off into the distance, because he knew that if he laid his Slinky Dink eyes on St. Angie, he wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to suck the bride’s face and he wanted to save that move for when they danced to the “Flowers In The Attic” theme song during the reception.

E! claims that Shiloh and the boys of the Child Army wore cream linen suits and I knew that had to be wrong, because the child army would never dress like a Southern grandpa going to Easter service. Instead, they dressed up like a cross between Justin Timberlake during his copy + paste Robin Thicke phase and Amish businessmen.

And here’s a pic of Maddox and Shiloh getting the giggles during the ceremony.

BRANGIEWEDDINGHELLO1

They’re either laughing because they know their parents are about to bring the grossness by doing kissing stuff or they got contact stoned from standing so close to Brad Pitt. Or Maddox is laughing because he just looked at his mom’s mess of a dress and spotted the doodle he drew of a single tear falling into a bowl of cake batter (a wink to his former arch rival Aniston).

And here’s Brad giving you Weekend At Bernie’s chic while leaving a hotel in NYC on Sunday.

Pics: Splash

Comments

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >