Speaking of has-been weddings…
Sorry, Brangelina, but your plan to takeover this week’s tabloid coverage with your stupid wedding has been foiled! Because a much more high-profile and anticipated wedding happened this weekend. Renowned medical scientist Jenny McCarthy married Donnie Wahlberg at the Hotel Baker in St. Charles, Illinois yesterday. They’ve been dating for about a year, which is about how long Donnie has been suffering from the brain hemorrhage that causes him to make fucked-up decisions like marrying that crazy wreck. E! News says that 41-year-old Jenny married 45-year-old Donnie in front of zero guests, because just like Marky Mark, they all had better things to do and who really wants to watch a New Kid fall all the way from grace into a puddle of wet bat shit by marrying Jenny McCarthy? That shit’s just depressing and will ruin anybody’s Labor Day weekend.
No, apparently, Jenny’s fellow The View refugee Sherri Shepherd and the New Kids were there. This is the second marriage for both of them.
Jenny wore an exquisitely demure wedding gown that probably made the officiant say, “Do you TITS take this New Kid to be…,” (E! has a picture of her bridal tits) and as she walked down the aisle, she was serenaded by the cries of the ghosts of the children who died because their stupid parents listened to Jenny McCarthy.
Jenny and Donnie had a Labor Day Weekend wedding, so are we guessing that they’re going to have a National Nut Day annulment or are we going to be really generous and guess that they’ll have a Thanksgiving Day divorce? Or maybe it’ll end when Donnie is shuffled off to the mental hospital after stabbing his ears out after listening to the 900 millionth stream of cold shit coming out of Jenny’s mouth. But then again, he grew up with Marky Mark and has sang, “oh, oh, oh, oh, ooooh,” at least one billion times, so he can take almost any kind of torture.
First, Ashlee Simpson and Evan Ross got married and then Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg. It’s truly been an all-star A-list wedding weekend! Next up, I’ll tell you about the wedding between a chick who was almost on The Bachelor and a guy who was in the background during a scene on Vanderpump Rules.
And here’s some crystal clear, hi-res pictures of Jenny in her wedding dress.