Former New Kids On The Block hotel room arsonist and current guy who sells hamburgers on a reality show Donnie Wahlberg is getting married to the human equivalent to getting your period during a cross-country road trip Jenny McCarthy today in New York, an event which will surely bring out the who’s who of top-tier celebrities. However, TMZ says that one A-list brother will NOT be attending the wedding: MAHKY MAHK. Donnie, say hi to your mother for Mark; he won’t be there to do it himself.
According to multiple sources (Sully and Denise) Mark Wahlberg and his wife don’t want anything to do with Donnie’s mouth breather of a fiancé. Jenny said some shit on Howard Stern about how she’s best fucking buddies with Mahky Mahk and Mahky’s wife was like “You’re outta ya fackin’ mind!” (I know she’s not a Southie, but it’s more fun to pretend that Mahky Mahk is married to Jackie from The Real Housewives of South Boston). So they’re not going to the wedding.
But a rep for Mahky Mahk’s claims that he’s not bailing on his brother’s wedding because he hates Jenny McCarthy; he’s bailing because it’s his daughter’s 11th birthday party. And – DUH – of course you’d bail! Birthday cake > wedding cake. Also bailing on Donnie’s wedding: brother Bobby and their mom, because their mom doesn’t use airplanes or something.
Personally, I don’t know what I’d do if I was in Mahky Mahk’s situation. On one hand, flying all the way from Los Angeles to New York just to watch Jenny jiggle her fake tits down the aisle sounds about as pleasant as a root canal, but on the other hand, it’s a wedding, which means there will be free booze and plenty of it. But the alternate option is to attend an 11-year-old girl’s birthday party, which means no booze and a lot of screaming about how super-cute Justin Bieber is. But it’s still a birthday party, which means there might be a bouncy castle. Both options sound terrible, but I’d have to go with the 11-year-old girl’s birthday party. I love birthday cake (it’s my favorite kind of cake) and I’m willing to take a chance on that bouncy castle. And I could always bring my own booze hidden in a 2L bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper (wouldn’t be the first time). Plus – the biggest plus of all, really – no Jenny McCarthy.