Mathew Knowles, the former manager of Her Majesty Beyoncé and current professional sperm-slinging deadbeat pepaw, told Houston 104.1’s The Roula and Ryan Show on Wednesday (via Radar) that he knows the TROOF when it comes to Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s marriage. Take a seat and get ready to learn, because Professor Daddy Knowles is about to school your asses on Publicity Stunting 101!
Mathew says that sometimes a rumor can “ignite” a tour, and when that happens, it’s called a “Jedi mind trick” (cut to Yoda making a “da fuq?” face while using the force to pull out a chair for Mathew to have a seat). According to Mathew, a Jedi mind trick will fool you into thinking that what you see is real. Well, technically he made a “poof” sound, but you get the idea. Then when asked if he thought that Beyoncé pulled an Obi-Wan Kenobi and her Jedi powers to stage the Basement Baby elevator beat-down, Mathew said:
“Everyone’s talking about it. Ticket sales went up. Solange’s album sales went up 200%.”
So basically, Mathew is crazy, THE END. But since I have time to elaborate, what he’s essentially saying is that maybe it was just a coincidence that the Basement Baby elevator beat-down happened right before Beyoncé and Jay-Z were about to kick off the “On The Run” tour and maybe ticket sales went up because people thought they might get to see some drama on stage and maybe everything about Beyoncé is a lie or maybe it’s the truth. Or maybe she’s actually a real-life Jedi, which would sort of make sense, since some of her weaves look like a fine blend of 100% Wookiee-Ewok hair.
And here’s Beyoncé’s daddy sounding like a stoned-ass teenager talking about Star Wars on the Roula and Ryan Show, if you need something to get second-hand high off of this morning: