“True Detective” Director Cary Joji Fukunaga Has Moistened The Internet

August 26, 2014 / Posted by:

The recipient of the “Breakout Sexy Piece Of This Year’s Emmy Awards Award” is voted for by the Internet and this year it goes to the guy who helmed all of HBO’s occult-y cop show True Detective. His name is Cary Joji Fukunaga and he also won a Best Director Emmy last night! Congrats, Cary. You and your French braid had Twitter fanning its collective nethers all of last night. See, it’s ok to objectify a bitch as long as his ass isn’t spinning around on a platform and dating werewolves for publicity.

Here’s a sampling of the sopping wet mess that was Twitter last night (via E! and US):

Where has this mysterious braided man been hiding my whole life?! Google trending cary joji fukunaga to learn more about my competition

Cary Joji Fukunaga just became my Emmy’s crush #BabeAlert

I am ROLLING at the Cary Fukunaga thirst on my timeline. We are all in this together

Cary Fukunaga thirst all over my TL like whoa

Funkunaga is half Swedish/half Japanese, looks like Clark Kent by way of Mulan, and LOVES to slowly romance a gal. In fact, he claims to romance them so artistically and sensitive-guy-like that they just about swoon their asses into his bed. Then he dumps them for chicks like the one who bounced on Woody Harrelson’s lap with her tits out in that one episode. I kid, he’s truly a lover and finds art works just as well as tequila.

US:

“I’ve written immense love letters that are supposed to be opened over days at a time. I used to always make art for girls. That was the thing I did for girls to like me. I did portraits, drawings, letters that formed outlines of significant things in our relationship. Art. I just used art in general. It usually worked.”

I bet it did. I myself would much rather be seduced by something handmade and crafty as opposed to someone disinterestedly mentioning that there’s a space behind the dumpster out back.

This is just me chiming in, but I found the Emmys to be the televisual equivalent of when the surgeon asks you to count back from 10. (And then you wake up wondering if the surgical team clowned on how fat you are or how hairy your ass is.) I quickly killed that mess and caught up on The Leftovers instead. No wonder why Amy Brennaman has stopped speaking. And conditioning!

Check out various pics of Emmy-winning director Cary Joji Fukunaga (pre-braid) below:

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