At the Emmys last night, Gwen Stefani let America know that she might be the only celebrity trick in America who doesn’t know how to pronounce “Colbert.” John Travolta is obviously Gwen Stefani’s personal award show presenter coach, because while presenting the Emmy for Outstanding Variety/Music/Comedy Series with bearded douche rod Adam Levine, Gwen pronounced “Colbert” as “Colbort.” I think I know what a “Colbort” is. Isn’t it that stuff you smear on your “surfbort” so you can grip it better?
Smearing the innocent blood of virgin nuns over her skin to stay looking like that might’ve fucked with her brain, because bitch had one job and she screwed it up. Even Adam Levine cringed a little inside and when Adam Levine is embarrassed by your ass, then I don’t even know bitch.
After winning, Colbort told reporters backstage that he plans to join forces with Adele Dazeem and start a foundation which helps to educate celebrities who can’t pronounce names right at award shows. No, he didn’t say that, but he did say this:
“I think I might just change my name to Colborg.”
Well, the good news is that if Colbert changes his name to “Colbort” or “Colborg,” he will definitely be able to find his last name on a tiny license plate at a gift shop.