Talk about hitting pause at the wrong time; this looks like a production still from some sort of terrifying David Lynch-ian version of Lidsville (aka what half of my nightmares look like. Yes, I have Sid and Marty Krofft-themed nightmares; I think that drinking straight Kahlua and looking at the grotesque faces of the Kardashians all day might have something to do with it).
Even though Phoebe Price pretty much cured everything that needs to be cured by stripping down to a pair of sophisticated gingham granny panties (you could sort of make out her coochie cutlets, which is the definition of sophistication in my book) and dumping a bucket of water over her head, there are still some hos who feel the need to play catch-up and perform the same damn stunt everyone and their dog has done already. One of which is breastfeeding enthusiast Olivia Wilde. Clearly there was no way Olivia could possibly top Phoebe’s IBCG (ice bucket challenge glamour) with just water and ice, so Olivia came up with the totally original and unique idea to fill her bucket with something different. However, instead of using bullet shells, like Orlando Jones, or dollar bills, like Patti Stanger, Olivia did one grosser and filled her bucket full of breast milk.
First off, EW. That is too much damn milk. Second, something in the milk ain’t clean (literally); there’s no way Olivia’s tiny titties produced that much milk. But if they did, bitch needs to get off that roof and haul ass to a hospital, because that cannot be right. But they didn’t, which means Olivia made some poor assistant run to 7-11 and pick up like, 40 to 50 jugs of whole milk and drag them all up the stairs to the roof in the hot August sun and fill up a giant bucket while getting splashed in the face with lukewarm leche. Then when the assistant (who at this point in time has probably developed heat stroke and a severe milk allergy) tried to cool off by pouring water on their head, Olivia was like “PUT THE WATER DOWN, CANDACE! YOU HAVEN’T BEEN NOMINATED YET! Besides, that water is for me to rinse off with. Which I will do in a second, after we try it again using skim milk. Back to the store, Candace! Chop chop!”
(via Daily Mail)