Last night the VMA for video of the year went to Towelie’s hillbilly human cousin Miley Cyrus and her video for “Wrecking Ball”, but instead of calling professional creepy uncle Terry Richardson up on stage to say thanks for directing her to hump on the chain of a wrecking ball in her hillbilly birthday suit (ie. naked + work boots) and giving the entire audience a major case of the not-rights, Miley stayed seated and gave up her acceptance speech to a formerly-homeless dude named Jesse, who used his time on stage to bring awareness to the 54,000 homeless people in Los Angeles.
Jesse (who kind of looks like a hot Chad Kroeger)(that might have been the most unintentionally insulting thing I’ve ever said, I’m sorry Jesse) then urged Miley’s fans to visit her Facebook page to donate money to a homeless outreach called My Friend’s Place. All of it made Miley so overcome with e-mo-shun that she weeped chipmunk tears of joy, and the appearance of tears usually mean the VMAs were experiencing a ~deep~ moment, which means those klassless Kardashian hookers were probably Instagramming selfies of their tits and asking “Ew, what’s a homeless??”
But Miley’s philanthropy didn’t stop there. Earlier in the evening on the red carpet, Miley admitted that you’ll never have to reach for the brain bleach ever again, because she’s putting her canned chicken ass back in the can and retired from twerking. Miley admitted that after seeing Nicki Minaj’s glorious picnic jello salad ass destroy twerking in the video for “Anaconda”, she knew that bouncing her bony backwoods butt in a pair of butterscotch Pudding Roll-Ups underpants just wasn’t going to cut it anymore. Not to mention that her rancid mange-covered tongue only made but a brief appearance on the red carpet, AND she kept her possum-with-alopecia pussy and redneck nips covered? Miley is truly working on a whole ‘nother level of humanitarianism.