TMZ says that during a rehearsal for the VMAs on Sunday, one of Nicki Minaj’s dancers got a little too close to a not-the-one snake and got bit. Nicki was on stage performing “Anaconda” when an actual anaconda must have confused one of her dancers for Jon Voight and bit her ass. Well, we don’t know if the snake bit her ass, but if snakes are drawn to movement and it all went down during a rehearsal for “Anaconda”, then it’s probably safe to say he took a chunk out of her butt meat.
Anacondas aren’t venomous, but they do carry all sorts of bad shit and getting bit by one is like making out with Lindsay Lohan, so the dancer was taken to hospital where she’s being treated for whatever gross bacteria that snack-hungry snake left behind. No word on whether or not the anaconda got fired, but something tells me coming for a dancer isn’t the sort of thing that looks good on a snake-resume. So yeah, that reptilian bitch probably got escorted off the property by security. Also not known is which of Nicki’s dancers got bit, but if natural selection has taught me anything, it was probably this one.
Getting bit by a snake is no joke, but I’m just glad the snake didn’t try to sink his teefs into Nicki’s busted rubber-stuffed butt. That poor snake! His little snake fangs would have gotten stuck, not to mention that CyberClean (which I believe is the material Nicki injects her ass with) is probably highly toxic to snakes.
But secretly, I bet that clever reptile planned the whole thing. He knew the VMAs are going to be a damn mess, and he did whatever he could to get out of it. Bite a dancer, eat one of the twinks from Five Seconds of Summer, take a dump in Drake’s shoes, whatever it takes!